Silent Cries For Help
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: He was the last person they'd expect to do something like this. In fact he was the last person they considered for a lot of things. So nobody heard his silent cries for help until it was too late. Now they must all carry the consequences. Oneshot! Complete! Warning major character death.


**A/N: Before anyone reads this I just want to assure you I am fine and this is in no way a representation of how I feel. Jimmy is just a character I like to experiment with and after reading a Tony suicide fic. I realized there were ones about all the other characters except him. In fact Jimmy death fics are pretty rare in general. So I like to write them and express how I feel the team would take losing him. Anyway please enjoy.**

* * *

Jimmy Palmer tried to make his way out the front doors of NCIS. Agents seemed to enjoy shoving past him and pushing him around. Jimmy felt himself crashing to the ground. He looked up and saw Agent Merrilson standing over him mocking him. Toby Merrilson was probably Jimmy's least favorite person on Earth. He was an expert on picking up on peoples moods and loved to making Jimmy feel worse on his bad days. Today was a horrible day for him. Ducky had snapped at him for showing up late, Breena and him had had a huge fight the night before and she had stormed off to her father's, and today was a horrible day for him anyway. If people knew what happened to him on that day maybe they'd treat him better. Oh who was he kidding he wasn't Tony, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, or anyone important for that matter. He was just Jimmy Palmer Ducky's weak little assistant.

"Aw did Autopsy freak fall down?" Toby mocked.

"Hey Toby in case you didn't notice by the fact that McGee over here has a girlfriend. This isn't high school so stop with the jock beating up the geek thing. I would point out you're baldness but the tooth fairy thought your were a grandpa trying to pull a fast one when you were five!" Tony taunted.

"Oh real mature Tony." Toby shot back.

"Just get lost before I tell Vance it was you who stole his toothpicks!" Tony wanred.

"Okay okay we're cool." Toby replied baking up.

"Hey you okay Jimmy are you okay?" Tony asked extending his hand.

Jimmy nodded and took Tony's hand. The older man carefully pulled him to his feet and made sure he was stable before pulling his hand away. Jimmy always felt hopeful when Tony did stuff like that. It was like in the movies when the jock befriended the nerd. It was strange that sometimes Tony was the one who cared to include Jimmy in the groups activities.

Ducky well you couldn't blame him. He was old and rarely ventured out with his co-workers. Mostly he just went home and had some Scoth or tea while watching the news or listening to music before falling asleep. On the rare occasions he did go out with the team it was a special occasion and he went home with Jethro after a drink or two. He wasn't a bad guy in fact he was Jimmy's favorite of all the bosses he'd had in his life. Still Jimmy wondered if Magnus would have yelled at Ducky like that for being late or if Jimmy really had earned that little trust in his nine years with Dr. Mallard. He was still awkward and people frequently mistook him for a newbie.

McGee included Jimmy sometimes. You'd think it would be more considering they were both geeks and all. Jimmy had hoped tonight would be one of thoes nights but he said something about a D&D night at the comic book store with Delilah and his sister Sarah. Lucky McGee in the fairy tale stage of his novice romance. He and Delilah never fought for more than a few minutes. She never blew up at him saying it was his fault they were having trouble adopting. Saying that if he really cared about her and the family she wanted he'd go work for her dad. McGee never snapped back that she was a spoiled brat. Delilah never threw her stuff in an overnight bag and slammed the door as she stormed off to her father's house.

Abby was the next in line after Tony for invites out but she had plans to hit some new club with her Goth friends. She didn't bother inviting him though. Jimmy hated the club scene and besides he was just a white bread nerd. He couldn't even get his ear pierced when all his friends did and his only tattoo was the hideous remenents of the henna tattoo Breena and him had gotten. That group would eat him alive and use his bones as jewelry. Okay that may be a tad extreme but still he was a fish out of water with most of his co-workers friends. Even McGee since he could handle blood and guts and his allegy list wasn't in the triple digits. Come to think of it McGee must be some kind of God to his friends. He was starting to sound like Tony wasn't he?

Ziva invited Jimmy out sometimes. He had stopped excepting unless he knew for a fact that Tony was invited too. After how hurt he was when she invited everybody else over for dinner. Tony tried to be cool but Jimmy knew he was hurting. He knew because he was always the kid not invited to the party and if he was it was because there mom made them or it was a fake humanitarian effort to get in some girls pants. Jimmy never knew why Ziva didn't invite Tony unless the things his mom had told him about girls liking you when he was little really were true. It didn't matter though Ziva was gone and everybody missed her. She was one of the cool kids and Jimmy was one of her nerd chew toys. It was just like high school.

Gibbs. Jimmy was surprised Gibbs even knew he was alive. All he did was make Jimmy feel like a mental patient. Sometimes Jimmy wondered if he hated him. He was just a clumsy little baby. Occasionally Gibbs would look at Jimmy and tell him he had no idea because he never knew a tragedy. Little did Gibbs or any of them really know that he had a huge tragedy in his life. Gibbs would probably say it was just an after school special or a very special episode. Needless to say Gibbs never invited him out. There was a short time last year after Ducky's heart attack. Where Jimmy looked like he would be one who was always welcome in his basement. That didn't happen though. As soon as Ducky was recovered Gibbs forgot that he was competent.

"Hey Autopsy Gremlin?" Tony asked.

"Yeah?" Jimmy asked hopefully. Maybe he wouldn't be alone tonight after all.

"Um have a good night. Text me if you want me to pick you something up for breakfast in the AM." Tony replied hastily.

"Aw thanks Tony but I'll just grab something from home." Jimmy replied.

Jimmy sighed as he made his way out of the building. At least the room had cleared out while he was talking to Tony. He walked across the parking lot to his car. All he could say about his space was that he was lucky it was even in the Navy Yard at all. Halfway to his car he tripped and fell again. He stood up his ribs were already starting to hurt like hell. Of course he started to cry right there in the parking lot. He really was a worthless baby. Wasn't he? He moved as fast as he could to his car. At least that piece of crap had started up right away. He made his way home as fast as he could.

* * *

Jimmy pulled into his apartment and made his way up the stairs. Maybe if he went to work for Breena's dad he could find a place that wasn't a walk up. Sure it was only the second floor but it was a bitch when you felt like Jimmy did. He unlocked his door and opened the door. He really wished he could have been surprised that Breena wasn't back. He wasn't though he had blown it big time. He would be lucky if she came back for the rest of her things. She really was too good for him. He walked over to the fridge and looked for some food. All he found was a bottle of V8 Juice. At least it was something. He thought as he grabbed the bottle. He untwisted the cap and immediately tossed it in the trash. It had stuff growing on the top and smelled up the whole apartment in the short amount of time it was open. He wasn't hungry anyway. He just needed food so he could take something for his ribs.

Jimmy grabbed his photo album off the shelf. He grabbed what he had finally found for dinner a bag of stale Doritos. Tony had shown up with them slightly drunk mumbling about a cab driver and losing love. One night just after Ziva left. Not wanting anything to happen to his friend because of his condition Jimmy talked Breena into letting him crash on the couch. He ate the chips, walked to the bathroom, washed up, and checked his numbers. Of course his blood sugar was low. He felt to crappy to even order out. He swallowed some pain pills. He walked back to the couch and opened the album. He flipped to the page with the picture of his family. His dad, mom, Clark, and him. It was the last picture his family would take together. They were all at his dad's friend Jeff's ranch. They stood in front of the corral and took the picture. Jimmy was thirteen almost fourteen so Clark would have just turned seventeen. They were on their way home from there when the accident happened. Jimmy remembered one minute he was reading the backseat and felt himself lurching forward. He remembered the crash and then he woke up in the hospital and somebody told him his family was dead. After that he lived with whatever family member was willing to take him until he turned eighteen. Then he went to college, lived in the dorms, and got his job at NCIS. Today was fifteen years since the accident.

Jimmy had no idea what came over him but suddenly he had no desire to live anymore. He had survived that stupid wreck. Not his dad the man who had the toughness of Gibbs but the gentleness of Ducky, not his mom the woman who devoted her life to helping others, not Clark his older brother who was a lot like Tony just happier. Him Jimmy Palmer a nobody who still turned green at certain bodies. Who couldn't tell the snooze from the off button on his alarm. Making him almost two hours late the third time that week. Who called his wife the beautiful woman who was willing to marry him a spoiled brat. Agent Merrilson was right he was a wuss and a freak and loser. He was pure garbage. He should have died and his family should have lived. His father would be retired by now and he and his mom would be living out their dream offering free optometry care to children in third world countries. Clark would be a cop who coached the special needs football team. He would be dead not screwing up his life. It wasn't just the wreck. Ever since Ducky and him had been kidnapped and held captive in the woods. Since he had guns pointed at him and told they were going to kill him. Since he had seen Ducky starring down the barrel of a gun. Since he had shot Lincoln in the woods. He had felt himself spiraling out of control. Sure he hadn't killed Lincoln and sure Tony thought he was cool but he felt broken.

Jimmy grabbed some paper and scribbled down his note. He found the Asprin he had taken for his ribs. There were only six or seven left. All that would do was give him a stomachache. He started to think about his other options. His first thought was to over dose on his insulin. No then everybody would just think he was an idiot who didn't know his dosage. Breena was very anti guns so that was out. He reached in his pocket and withdrew the pocket knife his dad had given him when he was in the boy scouts. He had his out. He grabbed a note pad and wrote what needed to be said. Then he flipped the knife up and ran the blade down his wrists. Blood began to pour from his body. Suddenly he realized this isn't what he wanted. He felt for his phone in his pocket before remembering he had left it on the coffee table. He stood up to get it but quickly felt light headed and fell to the floor. His phone was still in silent mode from work. So he didn't hear it ring three times since he got home.

* * *

Tony challenged his boss's driving as he made his way to his friend's house. Jimmy had been acting really weird all day. He remembered Ducky yelling at him but Ducky got mad at Jimmy almost as much as Gibbs got mad at him. Jimmy never let it faze him this much before. It occurred to Tony after he was already home but Jimmy always acted weird in late October. Something must have happened to him in that time period. Besides that Tony was worried since he had scene Jimmy fall in the parking lot and he seemed really hurt. When Jimmy didn't answer his phone. Tony knew something was up. He grabbed an extra large pizza and a six pack and made his way to his friends house. Tony arrived at Jimmy house and climbed the stairs with the pizza and beer. He knocked on his friends door and got no answer. The door was unlocked so he let himself in. He found Jimmy lying on the floor by the coffee table. At first Tony thought he was just sleeping. He smiled at himself and laughed. His smile quickly disappeared when he saw the blood. He lifted his friend's body up and saw the slit wrists. Jimmy never moved or made a noise. Tony check his neck there was no pulse. He grabbed his cell and called Ducky's number.

"Ducky you've got to get to Palmer's place right away!"

"I don't know his wrists are slit and he's not breathing!"

Tony knew it was useless but he still tried CPR.

"Please Autopsy Gremlin. Just wake up. Come back. Please for Breena, for Ducky, for the others, for me. COME BACK!" Tony pleaded.

* * *

Ducky arrived at his assistants apartment. This couldn't be happening Anthony had to have made some sort of mistake. He made his way up the stairs as fast as he could. He opened the door. His heart sank when he walked in the room. He saw Anthony holding Mr. Palmer in his arms.

"Please Jimmy come back to me. Please" Tony pleaded.

"Anthony he's gone." Ducky said placing his hand on the young man's shoulder.

"I know" Tony croaked.

* * *

Ducky made the necessary calls. Everybody came as fast as they could even Jethro. They all stood around Jimmy's body completely speechless. Nobody could believe it Jimmy was the last person the expected to kill himself. He was so full of life and so happy but now he was gone. It was Gibbs who found the note.

"You don't know the pain I've known or the guilt I hide. You don't know what haunts me. I screwed up too much and now I am ready to die. Never forget me.

Jimmy"

* * *

Breena smiled as she approached her apartment building. She was so glad to finally be home. She had had a terrible day at work. A Jewish man suffered a heart attack and needed to be prepped for burial right away. resulting in everything getting backed up. She was almost three hours late getting home. On top of being exhausted she just wanted to talk to Jimmy. She had gone off on him the night before. It wasn't his fault. She was just frustrated. They had tried for months to get pregnant and when they kept being unsuccessful they decided to adopt and it was proving to be just as if not more disheartening then not getting pregnant. She had felt even worse when she looked at the calender and realized that today was the anniversary of Jimmy's family dying. The poor man was already grieving and she just attacked him like that. She was a terrible wife. Her heart dropped when she saw the ambulance outside the apartment. She saw the flashing lights from a block away and prayed it wasn't her building. She pulled in and jumped out of the car. She felt sick when she saw her husband's co-workers gathered around.

"Hey guys." Breena greeted trying to be cool.

"Oh no!" Abby cried throwing herself into McGee's arms.

"Shit" Gibbs whispered.

"This is going to be bad." McGee said.

"Oh Breena we tried to get a hold of you." Ducky said.

"I'm sorry Jimmy and I had a fight last night and I stormed out. I guess I left my charger cause my phone died and." Breena explained.

"Oh dear. Well I'm afraid we have some terrible news." Ducky tried to explain before bursting into tears.

"Guys what's going on?" Breena asked.

"Breena Jimmy's..." Tony started.

He wished he'd told her right away because before he could utter the dreaded words. The paramedics wheeled out Jimmy's body covered by a white sheet.

"NO! NOOOO! What happened?!" Breena cried.

"He commited suicide." Tony replied voice cracking.

* * *

Jimmy's funeral was five days later. It was surprisingly large Gibbs, Abby, McGee, and Ducky but they weren't the only NCIS people to come. Several other agents and personnel even Vance showed up. Fornell came as surprise but not a huge one. Breena was there of course and Ed. There were several friends from school and the outside world. Amanda Lee and her aunt even came. Which surprised everyone. Considering her sister and Jimmy's favorite activity and that she was thought to have not known.

Ducky wept for his assistant. He was staying on with NCIS just long enough to train the new guy and then he was retiring. Going back to Scotland and forgetting this life. He felt like failure he knew Jimmy had been hurting but he brushed it off. "I'm sorry Mr. Palmer, Jimmy." He whispered as he stood by the coffin.

Abby cried her eyes out as she leaned into McGee's chest. How could this happen? She had known plenty of people who commited suicide and it always hurt but Jimmy. That ripped her heart out.

McGee held the hysterical Abby in his arms. He had broken up with Delilah two days after Jimmy died. She just didn't understand why he was hurting so bad. She should have though. He felt right with Abby so at least some good had come from this tragedy.

Gibbs stood silently and watched his family mourn. He had broken his own rule and taken the kid for granted. He always meant to tell him about finding Kelly's old class photo and seeing him smiling beside her. He could tell by the way they looked that there was a comon crush between them. At least she had a new friend in heaven. Was all Gibbs could think to keep from breaking down.

Breena's father held her in his arms. She cried so hard it was lucky anyone could hear. She wished more than anything that she had just apologized. Maybe he'd still be here and not in thre ground. She had let him down though and now he was gone. She felt as is she'd never smile or love again.

* * *

There were two who did not attend though Tony and Ziva. One because of distance the other because they simply could not bring themselves to attend.

Ziva had recieived a fratic call from Abby. Telling her the news. She felt bad for not being able to attend but she was tapped out from the move back to Isreal. She felt bad for all the times she had picked on him. She said the traditional prayer and lit the candle. Hoping Jimmy would see and forgive her.

Tony sat on the steps of Gibb's basement. Tears flowed freely down his face. He should have gone straight to Jimmy's when he didn't answer and ordered the pizza from there. Jimmy wasn't really supposed to drink beer anyway. In fact that would have probably killed him. Tony had to be the worsr friend ever.

"You missed the service DiNozzo." Gibbs said from behind him.

"I just couldn't go." Tony replied.

"Why you've been to co-workers funerals before?" Gibbs asked.

"I was gong to ask Jimmy to come out with me. That night but I assumed he'd have plans with Breena or adoption stuff to do. Just like he always did." Tony replied.

"Oh and you feel like if you had invited him out he'd still be here." Gibbs replied.

"Yeah or if I had just come over not stopped for pizza and beer." Tony replied.

"It was a mistake DiNozzo. I don't know what was wrong with Jimmy but he had his own demons. I don't think he really wanted to die but something was wrong. He was crying out for help and we all ignored it. Now we must carry it with us forever." Gibbs explained to his sobbing agent.

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**A/N: So what do you think? Sorry for the dark subject but I have wanted to write this for a long time. Anyway please review and thanks for reading.**


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